Lyk, teh beste strie eva: Search for the chocolate
by 10joinfei
Summary: Christmas Present for VIDEOGAMEFANGIRL Twas the night before christmas, and Yuna took a nap which sent her on a quest for chocolate and crap CRACK TIMES A THOUSAND!
1. Chocolate!

This is a ChristamaHanaQuanzaka present for my (real life) BFF Videogamefangirl (aka: Yuna)..

AN: Yuna, this is early, sorry! Anywhom, I just wanted to beat you to the punch (and if our jokes are the same, I got them out first MWAHAHAHAHA!) and its going to be more than one chapter, in installments just for you (mwahahaha!)

Happy holidays!

WARNING: there are going to be some… interesting jokes in here

Without further ado I present to you:

"Lyk, teh bestest storiee evah!1one!!!!111!" (Harvest Moon Edition): Search for the chocolate

After a long night of doing nothing really important, but super fun regardless, tenth grader Yuna decided to spend her lunch period doing what all good honors students who pull an all nighters do: Take a well deserved nap in the library.

"Help… Me… Can't… See… Going…. Cold… Need…. Chocolate"

A tiny little girl with curly pink hair and HUGE boobs, oh and wings, was surrounded by a shroud of black. She seemed to be in distress, (chocolate fueled distress).

Yuna yelled out to the girl, who for some reason seemed to look familiar,

"Wait, who are you? Why do you need chocolate? And doesn't your back hurt with boobs **that** obscenely huge?"

The pink haired girl seemed to blur a bit.

"Shut Up, they're not that big!!! I mean… must… be… caffeinated… need…. Chocolately goodness…" The pink haired girl put her hand to her forehead dramatically. Her voice got fainter with every word.

"Why do I have to get you the chocolate? Why can't you get yourself chocolate? Who the hell are you anyway? What did I smoke last night to have a wacked out dream like this!!!?" Yuna yelled defiantly at this girl. She had played enough video games to know she was about to be sent off on a quest.

"Help… can't… hear… good… bye…." The pink girl disappeared, leaving Yuna in a black world, a quiet black world, a black world where it was very hard to breathe. And it was wet… very wet…

_Holy mother of Edwards couch! I'm underwater_!

Yuna's eyes opened wide with fright, only to have them sting with the salt water. She tried her hardest to swim upwards, and eventually broke to the surface.

"THERE SHE BLOWS! LOOK IT'S A MERMAID!!!" An old man dressed like a sea captain was standing upon a ship deck, looking down at her.

Yuna looked around for a second before she realized that he was talking about her. She yelled up at him "NO! I'm a girl! And I'm kind of drowning here so can you help me up please?"

The captain tilted his head to the side, as if in deep thought.

"Well… I guess I could… but what would you do for me?" There was a glint in his eye, one she recognized from a certain type of person.

"RAPIST!!!! AHHHH!" Yuna tried her best to swim away from the boat, but the current just pushed her back (pokemon style).

"No no! I won't do that, just here, climb up the ladder" He pointed to a ladder directly in front of her face.

Yuna was thoroughly annoyed _why wasn't that there before?_

Yuna, up on deck, discovered she was bone dry and rather well rested. _Curiouser and curiouser_

"I'm captain Pascal and you are on a boat to waffle town, who are you and what were you doing in the middle of the ocean?" Pascal was still a bit creepy, but Yuna ignored it for the time being.

"I'm um… Yuna… and I… um… Well I think I'm headed to Waffle town, to get some chocolate… I think…" Yuna shrugged her shoulders and sighed, might as well get this whole "quest" thing over with.

Pascal gasped

"Chocolate? That's the super uber rare crop that is hardly ever found on the island… the last person known to eat anything with chocolate was the carpenters son Luke, and his IQ dropped almost thirty points after eating that stuff," Pascal shook his head furiously, leaving the steering of the otherwise empty ship up to seemingly no-one.

"Um… well… HEY LOOK A GIANT STORM!!!" Yuna pointed to a giant cloud that seemed, once again, to come out of no-where.

"Holy LightxL pairing, it is!!! Yuna, you must go inside at once, before you…" Yuna didn't hear the end of the sentence as she was knocked against the quarter deck of the ship.

She was back in the world of darkness…

"Can't… hold… on… much…. Longer….. get….my…. damn…. Chocolate…."

The girl with the pink hair, wings, and GIANT boobs was back, although this time Yuna could see her more clearly. She was dressed in a grey dress, black boots, and hot pink tights, matching her hair. Her wings were just SPARKLING with many layers.

"Why am I supposed to get your chocolate, you're getting clearer, how am I even supposed to find you"

"As… You… get…. closer…..see…. better… point… out…. The way" The pink girl erupted in a flash of hot pink and Yuna was left, once again, in darkness.

"AND WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED CHOCOLATE!?"

Okay first chapters done,

Next chapter, someone will arrive on the island in her quest to find chocolate!


	2. UNICORNS!

So chapter two… was canceled on account of lack of creative drive (Elli-Rihanna walks in "Jill you want any MnM's?) *with a mouth full of chocolate* never mind. Without further ado, here's chapter two!

A/N: If you don't get the part about Jin, listen to "Asian Bell" by Kyle Cease

(Oh goodness, I'm going to be shot for making fun of Asians on fanfiction… um…)

I AM NOT TRYING TO BE OFFENSIVE, I'M MAKING A REFRENCE TO A COMEDIAN!

Um… okay happy lets all be friends time is over… time for the story

Yuna awoke in a warm, yet unfamiliar bed. She shot up with a start "What the hell is my problem, those dreams are so trippy!" She jumped up and with a bit of effort, managed to get herself downstairs (after running into a few walls of course). She heaved out a breath of relief when she found herself in a restaurant.

"Oh, You're awake! Good! How are you feeling?" A man wearing a green vest over a white shirt turned his attention to Yuna.

"Okay… I guess… Who are you!? You didn't rape me did you!?" Yuna shot back, tripping over a stair

"Owwie!"

"No, I'm Jake, the innkeeper and I am not trying to touch you in any way… and even if I was going to I would go after someone younger… like the tailors new apprentice, Luna I think it was…hmmmm" Jake seemed to go into some kind of creepy fantasy, leaving Yuna to back quietly out of the inn.

"Hello? You're the mermaid right? I'm Mayor Hamilton, and I'm just as pleased as punch to have you here, but I thought mermaids had fins. And you my dear don't seem to have fins… are you a magical mermaid? I'm an expert on all things mythical. I'm as smart as strudel! Yum, Strudel…" Hamilton licked his lips in wonderment of the best thing to come out of Germany since the bicycle.

"Um… no… um… yeah…. Oh…. Yeah…. Oh…." Yuna's eyebrow twitched as she tried to make sense of the gluttonous old man before her.

"Sorry about that, I'm a big connoisseur of desserts and sweets. Anyway, I am here to get you settled… have you any interest in farming?" Hamilton asked with a smile on his face.

"No" Yuna said bashfully, truth be told, everything she touched died.

"How about clothing making?" Hamilton asked

"Not cosplay? Not really, I'm not like Fei, so short she has to tailor her own pants" Yuna scratched her head.

"How about mining?"

"Afraid of the dark"

"Fishing"

"Vegetarian"

"Medicine?" Hamilton asked hopefully

"Don't you need some kind of license for that?" Yuna said, scrunching up her face.

"How about baking?" Hamilton asked.

"Like with CHOCOLATE?" Yuna lit up eagerly. _If I can get a job where I work with chocolate I can get out of here! _

"Holy Second Season of Rosen Maiden! Chocolate! No, I'm as confused as carrot cake, why would anyone use Chocolate willingly? It makes you all… dumb and stuff… and…" Hamilton sighed and began to sob

"oh Yuna, I have a secret to tell you… you see, as a young man, I was a fan of the substance called chocolate. And I imposed a tax on this fine land, and everyone had to give me some chocolate. But the only place the chocolate grew was on top of the goddess's tree, so people eventually stopped importing chocolate, as it was very expensive, and began to take it off the goddesses tree. But then it stopped growing…" Hamilton pouted and pulled Angela onto the bench to finish his story.

"So there became a black market for chocolate in order to pay the tax… and one night the villagers got fed up with it and attacked me, oh I was terrified as toffee, and then I took the tax off. The last person known to eat chocolate was Luke… and no one knows where he got it from…" Hamilton sighed, happy to get the story off his chest.

"Wow, that's so sad…" Yuna said, looking up at the sky, her eyes dimming with sympathy.

"So you understand why we no longer use chocolate on this island?" Hamilton said, turning to her.

"Huh? No, I just noticed that cloud looks like a puppy with only one leg… did I miss something? Like the complete plot of the story or something?" Yuna asked, feeling a bit sick.

Hamilton sweat dropped, "Yeah kind-of… hey I have an idea! Why don't you go and work at town hall for a while? It's a nice cozy place of employment where I'm sure you'll have a good time, and there are even UNICORNS! Yes you heard me right, unicorns, I'm as truthful as taffy when I say that there are unicorns at town hall!" Hamilton waved his arms around like a mad man, and began to twitch slightly in the eye.

"Let me guess… no unicorns right?" Yuna said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Hamilton sighed, "You seem to get the truth right out of me Yuna. Yes there are no unicorns at town hall. But you could work there! My son works there! And Elli too, she's so nice, and very experienced at all trades… oh you would just love to work at town hall!" Hamilton tried his sales approach one more time.

"Um… okay, sounds fine I guess…" Yuna said, _maybe town hall will have some chocolate…_

Yuna hopped off the bench and walked out onto the path, tripping over some uneven ground.

"Owwie! My ankle!" Yuna held her rapidly swelling ankle in her hands and bit back tears.

"Oh no! I'm as nervous as nutella, here why don't I take you to the doctor?" Hamilton said, helping her up.

When they arrived at the clinic Jin was sitting at the counter reading a book.

"Doctor! This is Yuna, she's new here, and her ankle is broken!" Hamilton yelled, pushing Yuna onto the floor.

Yuna looked up at the doctor who seemed to be suffering from Stephanie Meyer syndrome. He was sparkling!

"Hello, I'm Jin, the doctor. Why don't I see what's wrong?" He lifted Yuna up onto the examination table and began poking at her ankle.

"Does that hurt?"

"OWWW!"

"This?"

"OOOOOWWWWWW!!!!"

"And this?"

"OWWWW! Why are you poking at it, it's just hurting, get me a bandage and wrap it"

"Okay, I go do that" Jin ran off gleefully, leaving a trail of sparkles behind him.

Later:

Yuna was sitting in town hall, having some annoying blond, overly clean PANSY telling her what to do.

"Now take files that start with A and put them in the box labeled A, simple enough?" Gill asked, tilting his head in superiority.

"Yeah whatever…" Yuna grumbled… she then got an idea. Files labeled A went in box X and B went into F and C into T and so on.

Yuna hobbled back to the Inn where she intended to take a nice long rest.

**KNOCK **

"Who is it?" Yuna asked.

"My name is Luke… I'm a carpenter" He said.

"Um… okay…" Yuna said, pulling the covers over herself.

"Hi, wow this room is wicked awesome! So I heard you stood up to Gill. Well suckishly enough you are going to work for my Pa and I starting tomorrow! You're pretty; this is going to be badass!" Luke said, punching up in the air.

_Luke… Luke… HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE!!!_

"Hi Luke, I'm Yuna and I cant wait to work with you tomorrow. So I have a question for you… Do you know anything about chocolate?" Yuna said, batting her eyelashes ever so slightly.

"Haha, um… well" Luke broke out in a nervous sweat.

"Okay you got me! I secretly spend all of my money on chocolate imported from the mainland; I'm such a bad person! I deserve to be spanked like a small child, I'm that bad!!!" Luke began to cry manly tears of guilt.

"No, no… its okay… I was just wondering if… I don't know… I could have some? Just a bit… I need it" Yuna suggested sweetly.

Luke's mouth hung open wide for a second.

"Uh… um… WHY DO YOU NEED THAT… you know… chocolate?" Luke asked suspiciously.

"Well, there's this girl, well I don't know if she's a girl. She has huge boobs, and pink hair, and wings and stuff… and she says I need to give her chocolate…" Yuna divulged.

_Oh no, I'm turning into one of them, divulging my secrets so easily!_

"I know that girl! She's this villages goddess! She helps with harvests and the weather and stuff… you didn't think we worshiped, I don't know, Jesus in that church up there did you? So do you want my help? With giving the chocolate to the goddess?" Luke was literally bouncing up and down with excitement.

Yuna stopped dead in her thought train.

"Wait, how would I even give the chocolate to her?" She thought out loud.

"Simple, you'd just hike up the mountain to her tree!" Luke said, as if he had done it a hundred times before.

"Oh really? That doesn't sound too hard. Okay Luke, you can help me give chocolate to the goddess" Yuna said, smiling. It seemed as if her journey wouldn't be too difficult after all.

Luke laughed.

"It's an awesome thought, but no-one's been able to get up there for almost three years. The paths all grown over… it would take one badass wood chopper to get thorough there!" Luke said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, didn't you say you were a carpenter?" Yuna asked.

"Oh yeah! One of the best! Oh, I could get that path cleared! Yay, we'll start on it tomorrow, I'll bring the… you know what… and we'll go on an adventure together!" Luke ran out of the room, happily thinking about his upcoming adventure.

_He's cute. Sort of slow… but cute none the less!_

Yuna fell into a nice, dreamless, sleep.

END CHAPTER 2

One chapter left. What will happen? Will they bring chocolate in time? Will Luke and Yuna become more than just randomly thrown together characters in attempt to bring in some romance?

Stay tuned!


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